“I grew up in a working class, pentacostal Christian home in a very small, very closed minded southern town. I was an intelligent, effeminate and highly emotional little boy who wanted nothing more than to do gymnastics, take dance lessons and play with clothes. My parents did not know how to handle any of this and thought forcing me to play football & baseball was the solution to toughen me up. Instead of the ballet slippers and dance lessons I begged to get for Christmas, I was given a football shaped toy chest and Florida Gators football team necklace. Instead of art supplies, I was given a toy bow & arrow. My parents loved me very much and just didn’t want other kids to tease me but It actually made me think everything about me was wrong. This at home, compacted with the bullying I received at school really killed my self-esteem.
This feeling followed me for most of my youth. It caused my bubbly, outgoing personality to turn inward. I was also a latchkey kid from the age of 8 and didn’t feel safe anywhere so I sat home after school and ate a lot. I got fat over a single summer, got braces the following year and glasses the year after that. Middle school was really not fun for me. I managed to befriend a few popular girls who protected me from getting beat up everyday but I knew that protection was tenuous. I had to mind my P’s & Q’s and act straight around boys; which usually meant not speaking. Then high school started.
The summer before freshman year all of my popular lady friends spent preparing for and trying out for various cheerleading groups while I was in my room watching horror movies and fashion files. On the first day of school, they all ignored me and I knew I was all alone again. I spent a few weeks eating alone, not speaking to anyone and crying when I got home. Then my amazing, art-y cousin Tasha sent me some band tees and a homemade tie-dye shirt from her new home in Athens, Georgia. The day I wore my thrifted Public Image Limited shirt a girl with fire engine red hair and a floor length hippie skirt came over and said “cool shirt, you should come sit with us”. I still thank Hannah to this day because she literally saved my life. I made friends with all the theater geeks, skater punks and goths that very day. I learned to express myself through my clothes and acting and set work and to care a lot less about what unkind people thought of me. I learned that there were friends in this world who would love and accept me for being exactly who I wanted to be. My Theater teacher Julie Shugg defended us like a lioness and made me know I was worthy of protection.
Over the years, I slowly came more and more out of my shell. I came out to my family when I was 19 and it was a very difficult experience for all of us. My siblings & father supported me but my mom had a very difficult time. All she could see was that I wouldn’t be treated well and that I was either going to get abused or get the virus and die or both. It took us several years but I have such an amazing bond with my family that love prevailed in the end. I moved to NYC then Austin and now Los Angeles. I am happily married to the man of my dreams and have a charmed life that never seemed possible. My family not only came to the wedding but cried with joy and celebrated us in a way I would not have dreamed of 20 years ago. They treat Gabriel like their own son. This is what pride means to me, pushing through the fire and coming out the other side a stronger, prouder and a more beautiful person.”
— Keith from Fluevog Abbot Kinney
